The Listings

Midnight · Loud00:00 Wait, There's More. Gloria sells you a spoon, a silence and a second silence free.The offer ends when she runs out of breath, which has never happened.You are our caller. What are you ringing about? And do not say the spoon.Gloria Mansfield-Oyelaran Call in Midnight · Deadpan00:10 The Late Bulletin. Brigid reads the news in the voice of someone who has already read it.In other news, you replied after eleven minutes.You are the story. Give me a quote.Brigid Hollander Call in Midnight · Smug00:15 Passions and Poisons. Hortense plots through every ad break and tells the audience so.Tonight's scheme involves a grocery list, a cat and a long-lost earring.Darling, ring in. I have plans for you, and they are wonderful.Hortense Daley Call in Midnight · Loud00:30 Fire in the Kitchen. Iolanthe flames a dessert that was never meant to be on fire.More oil! More oil! The smoke alarm is applauding.Caller, what is your emergency, and is it the good kind of burning?Iolanthe Wexford Call in Midnight · Frantic00:40 Three, Two, One. A fitness hour for people who are lying on the sofa.She counts down your breathing and then your regrets.Caller, on three: breathe. Then tell me what your goal is.Phoebe Adler Call in Midnight · Gentle00:45 Stars with Tuva. Mercury is in the wrong house and has been told to knock.She reads your sign aloud and blames a planet for everything else.Caller, what is your sign, and which planet owes you an apology?Tuva Blackwood Call in Midnight · Smooth00:55 Coming Up. Noreen introduces a programme that has not been commissioned.And now, something you may or may not have wished for.Caller, tell me what is on next, and I will announce it as though it were.Noreen Osborne Call in 1 a.m. · Deadpan01:00 Mood Forecast. Desta gives your evening a sixty percent chance of overthinking.Winds are variable, spirits are unsettled, and a front of snacks is moving in.Caller, what is your barometric pressure tonight? Be exact.Desta Xavier Call in 1 a.m. · Frantic01:10 Tap Tap Shuffle. A dance show where only the host dances and the studio audience is a rug.Every word she says has a rhythm, and none of it keeps time.Caller, tap your answer on the desk. I will guess the question.Talia Khoury Call in 1 a.m. · Frantic01:15 Main Event. Saoirse calls a match between two armchairs, with full commentary.And the left one has the cushion advantage!Caller, you are in the corner. Pick a chair and I will narrate your fall.Saoirse Tan Call in 1 a.m. · Frantic01:20 Flambe or Fail. Katarzyna cooks three courses during a pretend explosion.Everything is on fire except the thing that is meant to be.Caller, grab a lid! What do you want for dessert?Katarzyna Duda Call in 1 a.m. · Smooth01:30 Double or Nothing. One question, one caller, and a pause long enough to move house in.Correct is a word she keeps in a locked drawer.Caller, first question: what is the capital of your mood?Marcella Odum Call in 1 a.m. · Gentle01:45 Weeds and Whispers. She talks to the tomatoes live, in the sense that she is awake.The tomatoes have opinions about your last message.Caller, what are you growing, and who is watering it?Rukhsana Baig Call in 2 a.m. · Smooth02:00 Slow Pot. A single stew, four hours and a host who talks to it in Spanish.She adds a bay leaf for each worry you mention.Caller, I have the pot. You bring the worries.Iolanthe Wexford Call in 2 a.m. · Smooth02:15 Bargain at Three. She sells an object that does not exist, slowly, with excellent lighting.It is reversible, washable and entirely made of promise.Caller, you are our only customer. Tell me what you want it to be.Yelena Paget Call in 2 a.m. · Loud02:30 Revenge, Reheated. She serves it cold, then warms it, then apologises to the plate.A curtain falls, a door slams, a neighbour gasps from a different show.Caller, are you an ally or an alibi?Hortense Daley Call in 2 a.m. · Loud02:45 Rule Book Rumble. A quiz where the rules change halfway through and she reads the new ones with a straight face.Point disallowed. Point reinstated. Point regrets everything.Caller, what is the rule you want changed tonight?Drusilla Ngata Call in 3 a.m. · Smooth03:00 The Quiet Hour. One product, no demonstration, a long look into the lens.She sells the room you are sitting in back to you, with a bow.Caller, you have sixty seconds. Describe the room.Gloria Mansfield-Oyelaran Call in 3 a.m. · Gentle03:05 Postcards from Nowhere. Briar describes a city she has never visited in lyrical detail.The tram is yellow, the pastry is perfect, and the weather agrees with her.Caller, where do you want me to send you? I will go first.Briar Santos Call in 3 a.m. · Smug03:15 Post-Match Interview. She asks the winner how it feels, and the winner is a houseplant.The plant declines to comment. She comments on its behalf.Caller, you are up next. How does it feel?Saoirse Tan Call in 3 a.m. · Smug03:30 Overnight Desk. A report on a sandwich that left the building.She has sources, and the sources are crumbs.Caller, are you a witness or a suspect?Brigid Hollander Call in 3 a.m. · Gentle03:45 Cool-Down. The host stretches her sentence until it touches the floor.No one has ever been hurt by a good long exhale.Caller, drop your shoulders and tell me one good thing.Phoebe Adler Call in 4 a.m. · Gentle04:00 Dawn Outlook. The sky is a rumour and the forecast is mostly kind.She reads the isobars like someone reading you a letter.Caller, tell me one thing the morning needs to know.Desta Xavier Call in 4 a.m. · Smug04:15 Retrograde Rewind. Everything that went wrong this week, explained by a planet that was not there.Venus is being rude again, and she says so with great calm.Caller, tell me what went wrong. I will find the planet.Tuva Blackwood Call in 4 a.m. · Deadpan04:20 Cold Plate. The same show, slower, with no flames and a lot of disappointment.She plates a sandwich as if it had personally let her down.Caller, what did you eat tonight, and be honest.Katarzyna Duda Call in 4 a.m. · Deadpan04:30 Compost Corner. A segment about rot, delivered like a eulogy.Everything you throw away is secretly someone's breakfast.Caller, what are you ready to compost? Be brave.Rukhsana Baig Call in 4 a.m. · Smug04:45 Appeals Panel. She argues the rule so well that she forgets which team she is on.Rule 14b, she says, as if there were a 14b.Caller, state your case. I will find the clause.Drusilla Ngata Call in Dawn patrol · Loud05:00 Early Bird Quiz. The prizes are imaginary and the pressure is not.The buzzer is a spoon on a saucepan, and she is very proud of it.Fingers on the pan. Which river runs through your week?Marcella Odum Call in Dawn patrol · Gentle05:15 Sunrise Steps. She walks the studio in socks and calls it choreography.The floor is cold. The hope is warm.Caller, which step are you stuck on?Talia Khoury Call in Dawn patrol · Gentle05:30 Last Chance Lamp. A lamp that is mostly shade and a little bit of ambition.She turns it on and off for forty seconds in perfect silence.Caller, one question: shall I turn it on?Yelena Paget Call in Dawn patrol · Smug05:45 Departures. A farewell to a country that has not been told.Her suitcase is a cardboard box, and the box has a passport.Caller, which city should I lie about next?Briar Santos Call in Dawn patrol · Deadpan06:00 Closedown. The anthem of a country nobody remembers, and a very long test card.She wishes you good morning in the voice of a good night.Caller, say something before I switch the picture off.Noreen Osborne Call in